Real Talk: Walking Away to Save my Life

I was managing three major gut renovations by myself two weeks before I had to move out of my apartment with no prospects for my next home, no savings, and in the middle of a vicious battle between my attorney and my NYC agency over libel and a large sum of earned money they were refusing to pay me.

Psychologically, physically, financially, and creatively… 

𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱.

I continued to show up. My clients saw my dedication. My contractors contacted me at all hours of the day. But privately, I was an absolute train wreck.

On job sites, I’d struggle to string sentences together because debilitating insomnia and depression had forced my brain into survival mode. In the evenings, I’d crumble into a sobbing heap on my bedroom floor, and contemplate on which day I’d drum up the courage to take myself down to the subway, close my eyes, and step in front of a train. 

For 6 months, I felt like I had to choose between my career and my life, and walking away from my work for good felt like the only way to save it.

I thought it was simply burnout that had brought me to my breaking point. Looking back I’ve realized it was also the pressure to project an image of power in an industry that demands endorsement from the establishment to avoid being exiled into oblivion. I was constantly chasing recognition, acceptance and approval.

It was performance stoked by public opinion.

Perfection eclipsing authenticity.

True service succumbing to ego.

Sheer will got me through that nightmare—and by no means do I advocate for ignoring your mental health—but what saved me wasn’t strategy. 

It was relationships. Community. People I allowed access to the raw, messy and unfiltered parts of my life to get me the help I needed. Those with whom I didn’t have to wear a mask.

I wish I had known then what I’ve come to accept now:

I don’t have the shiny office.

Or the rows of staff.

Or even letters behind my name.

But my unshakable conviction, a vision that can clearly see beyond what’s possible, and grit forged in fire are the highest service I can offer.

Today, I work with clients who crave a truly one-of-a-kind home and will grant me that personal access to build a universe unlike anything they’ve ever seen before.

The trust required to deliver legendary design is built on authority and authentic humanity, and that's the secret weapon that transforms ordinary homes into iconic works of art.

If you value resilience, transparency, and loyalty in a creative partner, reach out. I'd love to learn about your goals.